Fall is here

Out with the old, in with the new

There’s something new being born in my life.  Actually it feels more “Fally” than that last sentence sounded- which to me was very “Springy” if that makes sense. As the leaves slowly find their way to the ground I too have the desire to slough off old habits, get rid of negative ways of thinking and spend less time with “old” but not so “good” friends.

You’ll know that you are experiencing your own personal “Fall” when:

  • You feel ready to release the energetic weight of stuff sitting on your shoulders (emotional, physical, and/or spiritual “stuff.”)
  • You know, without a doubt, that your life today has outgrown your life of yesterday.
  • You feel sickened or nauseated by the thought of spending time with people you used to see daily.
  • You intentionally avoid or ignore the areas of your life (social, financial, marital) because they are too painful.
  • You can’t seem to find the time or energy to invest in new ideas or directions- even though you KNOW that that is exactly what you need to do- you are just too tired.

I’ve known for about a year (gosh, that seems like a looong time!) that I needed to handle some things – Namely that I’ve been spending time with a handful of people just because I’ve known them forever even though they bring me down and make me feel sad most of the time, whether with their negativity or actual meanness.   With my busy mom schedule and a husband who works ALL THE TIME, I’ve had the perfect excuse to continue to spend time with “old friends” who also have babies and whose husbands work a lot.  But eventually, no matter how much we have in common or how long we have known each other, the energetic burden of an unfulfilling friendship takes it toll.  I know I can’t move forward into new friendships and deeper into ones I would like to without going back and letting go of the ones that no longer serve me. That doesn’t mean I have to be mean about it I just have to learn to create better boundaries.

Words of wIZdom on creating boundaries

  • Understand that relationships hold energy that either lifts you up and helps you grow or prevents your evolution.  If you don’t release the relationships you no longer feel mutual love or respect in, you can’t fully grow into other more fulfilling relationships. And likewise, when you have friends that cherish you cherish them right back, in fact, make a note to yourself right now to reach out to such a friend and tell them how much they mean to you. But keep reading first 🙂
  • Imagine how free and exciting it would feel to see your social calendar filled ONLY with people who make you feel good.
  • Recognize that ending old, stale friendships can be painful, but it is also a fundamental step in our personal growth. Therefore taking the time to mindfully speak up for ourselves and expressing our needs can be empowering.
  • Look for energetic, loving, and like minded friends who can be there for you as you set these new boundaries.
  • Realize that transitioning out of a friendship can involve tense moments that can easily escalate into confrontations that include tears, misunderstandings, and hurt feelings. The goal here is not to hurt someone, it is to stop being hurt yourself.
  • Give yourself a chance to say “No!” John Robbins and Ann Mortifee declare, “Whenever we deny our need to say ‘no,’ our self-respect diminishes.”
  • Finally, one of the benefits of getting older is the recognition that time is precious. While in the past it might have been easy to spend the day shopping with someone who gossips and talks about people behind their backs, now you realize that you only care to be with people who are genuine and upfront with you.  It’s how you spend “right now” that really matters. Don’t get down on yourself for past mistakes.

Take Action Challenge

To experience the emotional freedom that comes from creating boundaries around your relationships, take one small step this week to either deepen a current relationship that feels really good or take a  step out of one that feels not so good.  (Don’t forget to ask for support from those who love you!)

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